“圣灵就是一个人思想深处没有撒但辖制的自由思想。”这是我内心突然生出的一个体会，也是我在属灵挣扎多年后的一个释放。但这里的“自由”，并不是“随意而为”的意思，而是在真理中不再被控告、不再恐惧的思想自由，是一种在爱中得释放的生命状态。
每个信徒都有自己对信仰的领悟，无论怎样都归于圣灵的带领、圣父的崇拜和圣子的托举。我曾以为“信仰自由”是一个外在的概念，是一种宗教宽容的社会制度，是别人给我的恩典。但多年来我始终无法将三位一体的神引入自己内在的生命中。或者说，那种将敬拜的神与自己被撒但搅扰的经历脱节时，我就无法感受到祂的大能，也无法体验那种不被压制、不被批判、不被社会打压的勇气。
坦白说，我过去对三位一体的理解停留在“一个神学难题”的层面。我甚至觉得它只是神学书籍上的符号，无法想象那是“可以在生活中亲密经历的神”。也因为这种疏离，我曾不敢亲近，不敢说“我经历了圣父、圣子和圣灵”，因为我怕说错，怕不“合规”。
中国有句俗话：累死一个人的往往不是身体的疲惫，而是让人崩溃的内心压力。我发现，最深的辖制不是从外面来的，而是我内心深处的恐惧、忧伤、羞耻与悔恨——这些才是撒但真正的权势所在。那些化身为我们自己“不够努力”的说辞，其实正是撒但用律法与控告将我们捆绑的方式，看似理性，其实杀人于无形。
当我真正经历释放、愿意面对自己内心那些被隐藏的捆绑，并且勇敢地追寻生命的真谛时，那束圣灵的光就如阳光穿透乌云，温暖地洒在我生命中。那一刻我意识到，自己是自由的——不是“环境变宽松了”，而是我不再被那些声音吞噬：“你不配。”、“你又失败了。”、“你不够好。”、“你怎么还在原地打转？”这些声音看似“自我反省”，实则是撒但借着律法和世俗标准加在我们心上的绳索，并让我们误以为这种捆绑就是我们正在努力的表现。而圣灵，是让我在这些声音中重新活过来的那股气息。祂不是命令我发芽，而是作为阳光和水，叫我自然而然地长出来。
我们常常自己扼杀了圣灵的启发。我们轻看那份感动，否定那份热情，甚至用所谓的“理智”将其压抑。“我们对待自己热情的追求，无不又在自己编织的框框中予以否定。”我们以为那是谦卑，其实是恐惧，是用自我怀疑把圣灵驱逐出心门。
马太福音12:31-32（和合本）这样记载：所以我告诉你们：人一切的罪和亵渎的话，都可得赦免；惟独亵渎圣灵，总不得赦免。凡说话干犯人子的，还可得赦免；惟独说话干犯圣灵的，今世、来世总不得赦免。”我们常常以为这是讲不信神的人，其实我们信主的人也常常在干犯圣灵。我们否定自己内心深处渴望靠主而活的那股热情，否定自己、也否定他人——否定家人、否定孩子，否定他们生命中那一点点神放下的独特渴望。当这一切看似“顺理成章”地发生时，我们其实已在撒但的压制下，把自己生命的火熄灭了。
我开始重新思考“三位一体”，不再把它当成神学上的知识点或讲道稿中的标准答案，而是——一个被救赎的生命，在日常生活中真实的“神的同在”。我慢慢明白，祂不是概念，而是生命的结构，是我每天经历、挣扎、呼求与释放的那个整体。
圣父，是我对神那种“创造者”、“掌权者”的敬畏与依靠。祂是外在形象的投影，但不是遥远的威权，而是一个我可以向祂祷告、呼求、委身的“父”。我们在祂面前就是那个小孩子，无所畏惧。祂的怀抱是我受伤后唯一可以安息的地方。
圣子，让我在失败与罪中，不再羞耻。祂已经担当了众人的罪，不是让我“没事”，而是让我“可以面对”，因为祂已经替我面对过。祂让我从“自责”中脱身，从“完美主义”中走出来，进入一种被接纳的安全感氛围。我不必为自己的所谓前途担心、焦虑，更不需要为已经发生的失败懊恼，因祂早已知晓并拥抱了我这一切软弱。
圣灵，是在我里面带出真正自由的那一位。祂不是催逼我变好，而是让我愿意走向光中；不是逼迫我改正，而是让我在光中自然生长；不是我努力顺服，而是顺服成了我发自内心的选择。我不再被外面的律法推动，而是被里面的恩典吸引。
有一天我忽然明白，这三者不是分开的。我的信仰经历中，这三种体验其实一直在交织：当我在祷告中呼求时，是圣父接纳我；当我悔改时，是圣子的宝血遮盖我；当我重新有勇气面对生活时，是圣灵赐下的光照和能力。这不就是三位一体在我生命中的运行吗？
而这三位一体神之间的合一，也成为我生命的榜样。当我在现实中面临“信仰与身份的撕裂”、“热情与压抑的矛盾”、“真理与惧怕的拉扯”时，我意识到：在神里面的合一，才是我真正的归宿。神自己是合一的，也要在我们这些破碎的人里面建造和好与整全。
有人可能会问：你这样体会，会不会偏离正统？你不是在异想天开吗？我想说，这不是幻想，而是圣经启示之下，一个人真实信仰生活的回应。这不是“感觉主义”，而是神的道成了我心中的真实：
- 圣子带来无惧与坦然：“如今那些在基督耶稣里的，就不定罪了。”（罗马书8:1）“我们既因信称义，就借着我们的主耶稣基督得与神相和。”（罗马书5:1）耶稣不是等你完美才接纳你，而是接纳你、拥抱你，再慢慢带你进入自由。
- 圣灵带来自由的生命状态：“主就是那灵；主的灵在哪里，哪里就得以自由。”（哥林多后书3:17）圣灵不是让你成为规矩之人，而是让你成为神造你本来的样式——真实、诚实、充满喜乐。
- 三位一体在你身上运行：保罗祝福哥林多教会时说：“愿主耶稣基督的恩惠、神的慈爱、圣灵的感动常与你们众人同在。”（哥林多后书13:14）这不是诗句，而是基督徒生命中的经验：我们在恩惠中得自由，在慈爱中得安息，在感动中被引领。
我要说，弟兄姐妹们，每一个追求信仰自由的人都应知道：三一神就在你里面运行。你不是为了变好才配信主；你是因为被爱，所以才可以慢慢变好。你不是靠自己对抗撒但，而是因着圣子的遮盖、圣父的权柄、圣灵的引导，一步步走出罪的奴役。
三位一体，不是你要去理解的神学谜题，而是你每天真实生活中，一点一点释放你、接纳你、带你进入喜乐的救主。不要怕思考，不要怕感觉与你以前学到的“系统神学”不完全一样。只要你不离开圣经，只要你愿意在真理中悔改、顺服，那就是圣灵的工作。不是靠理解，而是靠信靠；不是靠努力让祂进入你生命，而是睁眼发现：祂一直就在。
愿弟兄姐妹们靠着三位一体的神，在你里面活出自由、喜乐与真实。
Meditation on the Trinity
“ The Holy Spirit is the freedom of thought in a person’s deepest mind, ungoverned by Satan.” This insight suddenly arose in my heart and represents a release after years of spiritual struggle. But this “freedom” is not the license to do whatever one pleases; rather, it is the freedom of thought no longer condemned or fearful in truth—a life state liberated by love.
Every believer forms their own understanding of faith, ultimately under the guidance of the Spirit, the worship of the Father, and the uplift of the Son. I once thought “freedom of faith” was an external concept—a social system of religious tolerance granted by others. Yet for years I could not invite the Triune God into my inner life. In other words, whenever my worship of God became disconnected from my experience of Satan’s disturbances, I could neither feel His power nor experience the courage that comes from being unoppressed, unaccused, un oppressed by society.
Frankly, my past understanding of the Trinity remained at the level of “a theological puzzle.” I even felt it was just a symbol in theological books, incapable of being “intimately experienced in life.” Because of this distance, I hesitated to draw near or to say “I have experienced the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” for fear of misspeaking or of not “complying.”
There is a Chinese saying: “What often exhausts a person to death is not physical fatigue but the crushing pressure within.” I discovered that the deepest bondage is not external but my own inner fears, sorrows, shame, and remorse—this is where Satan’s real power lies. Those self accusatory whispers—“you’re not trying hard enough,” etc.—are Satan’s method of binding us with law and accusation. Seemingly rational, they kill invisibly.
When I truly experienced release—facing my hidden inner bonds and courageously pursuing the truth of life—the light of the Spirit pierced through the clouds like sunshine, warmly shining upon my life. In that moment I realized that I was free—not because “circumstances had eased,” but because I was no longer devoured by those voices: “You don’t deserve it,” “You failed again,” “You’re not good enough,” “Why are you still stuck here?” These voices appear as “self reflection,” but in truth they are cords of law and worldly standards that Satan wraps around us, making us think that our bondage is the measure of our effort. Yet the Spirit is the breath that revives me amid these voices. He does not command me to sprout; He is like sunlight and water, causing me to grow naturally.
We often stifle the Spirit’s promptings ourselves. We dismiss that stirring, deny that passion, even suppress it with so called “reason.” “In the pursuit of our own zeal, we always deny it within the frameworks we ourselves have woven.” We mistake this for humility, when it is actually fear—rejecting the Spirit with self doubt.
Matthew 12:31 32 NKJV records:
“Therefore I say to you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven men. 32 Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come.”
We often assume this speaks only of unbelievers, yet we Christians also blaspheme the Spirit. We deny the very passion in our hearts that longs to live by the Lord—denying ourselves, our families, our children—dismissing even the faintest God given longings in their lives. When all this seems “only natural,” we have already extinguished our life’s fire under Satan’s oppression.
I began to rethink the Trinity—no longer as a mere theological point or a sermon’s standard answer but as the real “presence of God” in a redeemed life. I gradually understood that He is not a concept but the very structure of life, the whole in which I daily experience struggle, prayer, and release.
The Father is the Creator and Sovereign in whom I revere and rely. He may be pictured externally, but He is not a distant authority: He is a “Father” to whom I can pray, call, and commit myself. Before Him I am that child, fearless, resting in His embrace after injury.
The Son frees me from shame in failure and sin. He bore the sins of all—not to leave me “unscathed,” but to enable me to “face them,” for He has faced them on my behalf. He lifts me out of self reproach and perfectionism into the safety of acceptance. I need not worry about my so called future or lament past failures, for He has known and embraced my weaknesses.
The Spirit brings true freedom from within. He does not drive me to become good but draws me toward the light; He does not force correction but allows me to grow naturally in the light; it is no longer obedience by effort but a heartfelt choice. I am no longer propelled by external law but attracted by internal grace.
One day I suddenly realized these three are not separate. In my faith journey these experiences have all interwoven: when I call out in prayer, it is the Father who receives me; when I repent, it is the blood of the Son that covers me; when I regain courage to face life, it is the illumination and power of the Spirit. Is this not the Trinity at work in my life?
And the unity among these three is my life’s model. When I face “the rift of faith and identity,” “the conflict of zeal and suppression,” “the tug of war between truth and fear,” I realize that the unity in God is my true home. God Himself is one, and He longs to build reconciliation and wholeness in us broken people.
Some may ask: Will such an experience stray from orthodoxy? Am I fantasizing? I say: this is not imagination but the response of a genuine faith life under biblical revelation. It is not “emotionalism” but the Word made real in my heart:
- The Son brings fearlessness and confidence: “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1 NKJV)“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Romans 5:1 NKJV) Jesus doesn’t wait for you to be perfect to accept you, but accepts you, embraces you, and slowly brings you into freedom.
- The Spirit brings a life of freedom: “Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.” (2 Corinthians 3:17 NKJV) The Holy Spirit does not make you a proper person, but makes you what God made you to be—true, honest, and full of joy.
- The Trinity in you: “The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all. Amen.” (2 Corinthians 13:14 NKJV) This is not poetry but the Christian’s experience: we are freed by grace, comforted by love, guided by the Spirit’s fellowship.
Beloved, every seeker of faith freedom should know: the Triune God is at work within you. You are not to become better before you qualify to believe; you believe because you are loved, and then you gradually become better. You do not fight Satan by yourself but, covered by the Son, authorized by the Father, led by the Spirit, you step by step walk out of sin’s slavery.
The Trinity is not a theological riddle to solve but the living Savior who gradually releases you, accepts you, and leads you into joy each day. Do not fear thinking or feeling what may differ from “systematic theology” you once learned. As long as you remain in Scripture and are willing to repent and obey in truth, that is the work of the Spirit—not by understanding but by trusting; not by striving to let Him into your life but by opening your eyes to see that He has always been there.
May you, dear brothers and sisters, live out freedom, joy, and authenticity through the Triune God dwelling in you.
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